Red Balloons
by ausllyraura33
Summary: All the little things, all the moments, were sent to Austin on little cards attached to red balloons.


**So anyways this is my second story i've posted on here. I suggest you don't read my first it was horrible and I regret it fully but whatever.**

**P.S. if you happen to find any names of the 1D boys don't be alarmed I wrote this as a 1D fanfic first and then switched it to an auslly one. If you do happen to find on of there names: Harry is Austin, Louis is Ally, and the rest are either Dez of Trish. ok continue reading.**

**P.S.S If the things are in italic it means it's a flash back and the bold is what the notes say **

* * *

Once, when Austin was about seven years old, his mother bought him a balloon from a seller in the park, and she had told him he could have any color he wanted. To Austin Moon, this was a wonderful privilege, and he couldn't place why, exactly. But he could take any one he wanted, so he asked for red.

"It's so bright!" he had told his mother, who warned him, amusedly to keep a tight grip, or else it would fly away. He had told himself then that he would never let the balloon get away; he would take it back to his house, and keep it in his room for as long as possible.

But the problem became that no matter how much he loved that balloon, no matter how bright it was, he lost his grip, and his mother stopped with him and they tilted their heads up, watching the balloon slip further and further out of reach.

"I'm sorry, love," she said, "but sometimes you can't just hold onto good things. Sometimes they slip away."

It hadn't been in his mind frame, back then, to think about those words, not even to commit them to memory, but as he grew older, he thought more and more about that red balloon, isolated, picked out from the other colors.

Destined to be lost.

And he was thinking about it when his friends told him they were sending him to rehab.

* * *

"That's ridiculous," Ally snapped at the doctor, who looked rather out of place in their hotel room in scrubs, clipboard clasped under his arm. "He isn't going anywhere."

The doctor-his name tag read Wilson- shook his head sadly.

"Look, guys, I know it's entirely inconvenient-"

"Do you think that?" Dez interrupted, incredulous, "Because I would have to say you're spot-on."

Trish placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him and asked, "You are aware of what this means for us? You're taking away one of our best friends."

Dr. Wilson frowned, entirely unconcerned

"He needs to go, and everyone but the three of you agree, but that doesn't bother me in the least. I don't need your consent. I just thought you might like time for a goodbye. I'll give you-"he shook back the sleeve of his jacket, peering at his watch. "Until six. Then I need to take him. The institution will want to get him settled in before it gets dark."

He spun on his heal, slamming the door behind him. Faintly, they could hear the sound of another door being closed, but no one moved for several minutes.

"Well," Trish said at last, clearing her throat, "I don't suppose we have a choice, do we?"

Dez shook his head, sinking down onto the couch and gazing up at his friends, "How could we let such a thing happen?"

They didn't seem to have the answers he thought, but Ally sat beside him, looking towards the bathroom, where Austin had barricaded himself in that morning, only letting the doctor in briefly.

"It's my fault," she said, talking mostly to herself, but Trish answered.

"No it's not. He needs real help and we couldn't give that to him," and then, he added in his bluntly honest way, "Not even you, Ally, though if anyone could have come close…"

There, he trailed off, leaving Ally a bit pink on the cheeks for no real reason and Dez watching her curiously.

"Well," Dez said, appraising a Lady Gaga music video before changing it to Spongebob, "The last thing we should do is force him out. Wait until he's ready, and then we can say goodbye."

As Ally looked at him, distressed, she added hastily, "Just for now. He'll be better in no time, I'm sure."

Trish gave a fractional nod of approval, and Dez felt as though he were a dog who had just jumped through a hoop.

"We're waiting, Austin!" Dez called towards the door before he disappeared into the kitchen.

"Don't you dare cook!" Trish called over her shoulder. "I'm ordering pizza."

Dez's response was lost on Ally, who watched the door, mesmerized, and she wondered what Austin was doing in there, exactly. Was he sitting as he had been lately, dimly staring at nothing and mumbling to himself every now and then?

The thought of him alone with his thoughts hurt Ally a lot more than it should have.

Ally had the gift of seeing into people, of knowing them, not just by words, but by their movements and actions and those thoughts that rested just beneath the surface of their eyes, and with Austin, she felt like she was looking at an old picture, one she remembered clearly taking. She would think to himself, 'I know what is going on, because I know that moment.'

'I know him.'

But Ally couldn't see this Austin. The old one, was all but glass to her. She knew exactly what lay behind him and beneath him. And this new Austin, the one who staggered in the hotel rooms drunk late at night, was a concrete wall, a dead end for her.

* * *

In the bathroom, Austin sat in the bathtub, for no reason other than it felt almost safe, like a barrier from him and the reality of what was going to happen to him. He would have to go to rehab, where celebrities that couldn't handle the pressure ended up. Not him.

In his hands, he played with an empty whisky bottle, and he thought to himself about how terrible it had actually started tasting lately, but it didn't matter how it tasted because it took him a few feet off the ground, healed him for a brief second. He had seen himself sinking in the past few months, but he had clung stubbornly to this anchor, and he couldn't let go now.

"No one understands," he muttered. "I need this."

The question of why he needed it plagued his friends, because Austin wasn't the type of person to be like this, but he didn't exactly volunteer to share the answer, so they waited, because they were sure he would share with them before he had to leave for rehab for a two month stay.

Except he didn't.

As six o' clock rolled around, they became more and more anxious, knocking on the door, begging him to come out and talk to them, one last time.

Ally, ironically, didn't do anything, save for watching the t.v. with glazed over eyes, hardly noticing it had been turned on mute. She was lost on a guilt trip, and the longer she thought about Austin locked up in there, the more she became closed off, the more she hurt.

They were asked to leave the apartment shortly after 6:30.

They didn't get to see Austin take off.

* * *

The first balloon came two days into Austin's stay at the facility, among good wishes card from the rest of his friends, but that helium balloon meant the most. The nurses were kind, knew his face, and they let him tie the balloon to the end of his bed, telling him how nice it looked, talking to him like he was a child. There was a card attached, but Austin felt nervous simply looking at it.

"Aren't you going to read it?" asked his roommate, Derek.

"I guess," Austin sighed after watching the balloon sway distractingly, hovering near the ceiling. Derek was almost done with his stay here, and he had apparently become a saint; he would report it if Austin were being broody or down.

Austin tugged the card from the string, unfolding it and then finding himself grinning foolishly at Ally's handwriting.

**"Remember last December?"**

Austin did, and he knew the thoughts on his friend's mind must be directed to one day in particular, when all the others had gone out to the store, had left Austin to babysit a sick Ally

_"You have utterly failed," Trish had teased him later, but they were all in such high spirits, the words were not harsh._

_Ally had actually been the one to wake him up, shaking him roughly and screaming again and again that it was snowing. Austin had peeled his eyes open to see his friend watching him eagerly, snow dusting her hair and coloring her cheeks._

_"Ally!" Austin cried, fumbling with his mass of covers to sit up. "You're ill! Tell me you haven't been outside?"_

_"I haven't been outside," Ally chimed obediently. "Now come and not be outside with me!"_

_Austin groaned, trying to think of an excuse not to, but his warm bed wasn't much of a competition than one of Ally's adventures, so he clambered out, eagerly wrapping a scarf around his neck, all that Ally would allow before she took his hand and dragged him outside, where she promptly gathered some snow and threw it at it him._

_"Hey!" Austin protested, shaking it from his face in alarm. "That's foul play. I wasn't even ready!"_

_Ally laughed, falling back into the snow with a muted thump. She sighed, placing her hands behind her head, and closed her eyes._

_"I would dump snow on you, but I still don't think you should be out here. You're sick, Als."_

_With that said, he lay down next to his friend, ignoring the aching cold that bit at his skin, and he turned to admire the way Ally smiled, blissful despite everything._

_"I like the nicknames," she said dreamily, eyes still closed. "Especially when you use them. Dunno why."_

_She sighed, her breath misting the air, and Austin felt his own face warm up a little bit._

_"You really need to get some rest. Why did you come out here? Couldn't you just wait until you got better?"_

_Ally rolled over, fixing her friend with an even stare before saying, "But why should I wait for good things when they're right here?"_

_A car door slammed. Trish gave a cry of delight, her rapid footsteps signaling her approach, but Ally ignored her and cocked an eyebrow almost challengingly at Austin._

_"What are you guys doing?" Trish asked, exasperated, but her job of mother was taken over as Dez stomped over, clutching a bag and his mouth set in a firm line._

_"What the hell, guys? Get inside! Now! We can't have you both sick!"_

_They both relented, laughing as quietly as possible, as to not upset Dez any further, but once they were all inside, Trish offered to order some food and Dez found himself relaxing. A few rounds of video games with Austin and a tub of ice cream, and he had relaxed considerably._

_"You shouldn't have dragged him outside though, Austin," Dez said, not as chiding as he had been earlier._

_"I made him go outside," Ally interjected quickly. "We need to have some fun every now and then."_

_At that, she broke off, coughing. Austin shrugged at Dez's disbelieving gaze, patting Ally on the back._

_"I wanted to go outside," Austin declared._

_And Ally smiled, clearing her throat and wincing._

"What does it say?" Derek asked in the present world, taking in Harry's smile with genuine surprise and curiosity.

"Oh, nothing. Just an old friend reminding me of some of our jokes."

But as the night went on, Austin watched the red balloon, enticed, and whispered, "Of course I remember."

* * *

His therapist was a stout woman they called Nicky

"We need to be friends for this to work, and it's as simple as that. So tell me dear, do you know why you are here?" Nicky asked.

And that made Austin think, for the question sounded horribly routine, and he wondered if anyone had sat here and said 'no' while thinking of drinking as he was right then. How could anyone deny their problems so blatantly?

"Why are you here?" she repeated, a bit more gently. "Do you know, hun?"

'She thinks I'm mental. Of course I know why I'm here.' Austin thought.

He had spent a lonely night in a bar one night in April and now he couldn't stop drinking, or thinking about drinking. That's why they had chucked him here, to get his head on straight before he did something stupid. He opened his mouth to say, 'Yes, I know why I'm here, thank you very much. I'm here because apparently I'm an alcoholic, and I understand I need to suck it up and get better.'

Instead, he said, "I'm in love with my best friend."

* * *

Another balloon came the day after the first, this time by itself, with no cards from the others, another card attached to the balloon. Austin sat down in his room, mercifully alone, and read the card to himself, heart throbbing painfully.

'Oh, Als. Are we going to do this step by step?'

Scribbled on the card was this:

**"I didn't mean to get you sick."**

_"I told you!" Dez growled, hands on his hips in a very sassy manner. "I told you not to go out in the snow, Ally, and I told Austin to look after you. Now you've gotten him sick as well!"_

_Austin and Ally, who sat close on the couch, swathed in blankets just stared at him. They had the same red noses and glazed over eyes that told of sickness._

_Austin promptly sneezed._

_"I didn't mean to!" Ally protested, looking rather put-out. "I thought we were just going to have some fun in the snow. I didn't want him ill any more than you!"_

_"Whatever!"_

_Dez huffed and fled to the kitchen, "You really shouldn't piss off Mom," Trish remarked, speaking of Dez. "But he doesn't mean any of it. He'll be begging me to go outside later on when his pride allows it."_

_That said, she left to the kitchen to order food and help Dez calm down._

_"Sorry," Ally said, looking away. "I should have let you get dressed properly before I dragged you out. I just thought it would be fun, you know?"_

_"It was," Austin said hastily, hating the sight of his friend sad and sick. "We just need to be sure to bundle up next time, alright?"_

_Ally nodded, still pouting a bit._

_"I hate it when Mom, Dez, yells."_

_Austin nodded to the kitchen, where Trish had moved on from comforting to insisting that they order Chinese food instead of the usual pizza. Dez liked routines, but if Trish bugged him enough, she could deter him from the usual every now and again._

_"Trish's going to win," Ally said, yawning. She let his head fall on Austin's shoulder; her fever-warmed cheek sent shivers down Austin's arm. "Trish always wins."_

_Austin hummed in agreement, looking down at Ally's tousled brown and ombre hair, he found himself abruptly overcome with affection._

_"We're getting Chinese!" Trish called excitedly a few seconds later, running into the room and snatching her cell phone from the table._

_"Good," Austin said. "I don't want to eat pizza again for a long time."_

* * *

Nicky didn't ask him anymore about his best friend, but instead about the drinking, when it had started.

"February," Austin answered dully. "I just went to a bar for one drink but I couldn't stop going there over the next few days, and then I needed it all the time, wherever we went."

Nicky pursed her lips and scribbled, waiting a long moment before continuing on.

"Why did you go that one night?"

In his lap, he had been turning a card over and over again, his most recent note from Ally, with yet another red balloon. He was two weeks into his stay, and he couldn't entirely admit to getting better, but Ally's notes were working like stitches, healing him bit by bit, just as much as Nicky's therapy sessions.

"Because," he answered slowly, eyes flitting to the card and taking in the words written there.

**February. I should have spent that day with you.**

"My best friend rejected me."

_Austin had no intentions to do much of anything on Valentine's Day, his present attire could attest to that, but when Ally had sauntered up to him just a good five minutes ago, offering him a box, he had been speechless._

_"Als, you are aware I'm not exactly your boyfriend? That's usually who you give the gifts to on a day like this."_

_Ally shrugged, beaming._

_"I know. But I wanted to get you something. I knew you'd just lounge around all day moping unless someone did something to cheer you up."_

_Austin offered him a reluctant smile before pulling the bow off the package, watching Ally through his eyelashes. Ally looked almost nervous, biting her lip._

_Amused, Austin pulled the top off and pulled out a dark green beanie_

_Austin held it out and up, turning it over before nodding curtly._

_"It's awesome!"_

_"I'm glad you like it!" Ally amended, taking it from him. She slid it onto Austin's head, over his messy hair, and leaned back a little, admiring his look._

_"It looks great. I'm a genius."_

_"Yeah, you are, Als," Austin said softly._

_They stood close, watching each other, Ally with slight bewilderment, and that look triggered a sudden and fierce determination in Austin. He leaned forward resolutely, placing his lips on Ally's, his heart skipping a beat as he found them the exact way he had always thought they would be._

_"Austin!" Ally cried, jerking back after a few seconds of stunned silence._

_And at that point, she had stormed out of the door, leaving Austin to trail after her._

_That night, after she returned, sneezing, no less, she marched straight up to Austin and said firmly, "It didn't happen, okay? The kiss...it never happened. Just…please?"_

_Her tone became pleading, and Austin nodded, mouth dry. "It didn't happen. I'm really sorry. I just didn't want you to leave. I guess I didn't want to spend Valentine's Day alone again."_

_Ally blinked, not even trying to process all that, and she fled to her room. Once there, she placed his fingers on her lips, a bit distraught, but more than that, her thoughts were on the same page with Austin's: what if she had stayed with him that day?_

_But they didn't know, and Austin went to the bar to drown out the possibilities, because they hurt more than anything, more than the rejection. He felt he had taken a chance, closed his eyes and jumped, and there had been no one waiting to catch him._

"I kissed my best friend, and she rejected me. I went drinking and the more I drank, the more I forgot about it," Austin said dully, slipping the card in his pocket.

Nicky sniffed delicately, laying her pencil down and pulling back the strands of her short, black hair.

"Tell me more about your friend, Austin. She's obviously the root of the problem."

"She's great. She's got the most amazing eyes and she can always make me laugh. I would be lost without her."

Nicky made a sweeping hand gesture that implied that she would like him to go on, and he did. He could go on for hours about Ally, and for the first time his session didn't seem that bleak.

"One time, for my birthday, she sent me a bunch of red balloons-"

"Ah!" said Nicky, this time grinning with her realization. "So all the red balloons at the desks are for you? From her?"

Austin nodded, wavering between pride and despair. Ally's notes were reminding him of all the times that they had shared one of those moments, those moments that had driven him to kissing her, but what did he mean by it?

"She's been sending me notes, about the moments we've had. I don't know what she's trying to say to me though."

Nicky, folded her hands, rolling her eyes to the ceiling and thinking for a couple of seconds.

"She could be saying a lot of things, but most importantly of all is the fact that she is thinking of you. You will not resolve your drinking problems unless you resolve your problems with her. And honestly, I have seen progress in you, but I urge you not to base your recuperation on her alone. Tell me, have you had the urge to drink these past couple of days?"

"Of course," Austin said immediately, then winced at his eagerness. He really could go for one, though. Not several bottles as he had been, drowning out Ally's rejection, but maybe a glass, to celebrate that, no matter what happened, Ally was still in his life, still thought of him.

"But I think I can overcome it."

"I think you can, too," Nicky said in a fond sort of way, and then she sent him to the recreation room where they were showing movies until that night, but he found himself aching more and more for that moment at ten o' clock, when the balloon would arrive. The delivery had been so meticulous, he wondered if perhaps Trish was helping Ally, but he couldn't ask. Gifts could come in, but no notes could go out, so he had no way of telling Ally what it meant to have a light in a place like this. Sometimes, the residents went a bit mad, and Austin found himself painfully sane in comparison, a term he would never have applied the past few months, but not it was entirely fitting.

* * *

The next balloon didn't make him smile, awash with pleasant memories, but instead robbed the smile from his face for the entire day.

**February-the night I woke up and found you.**

_"Austin! Are you alright?"_

_Ally flung herself to the floor beside her friend, who had just stumbled in, clothes mussed up and dirt smeared on his face._

_"Don't wake the others," Austin slurred in reply. "I've just been out for a little stroll."_

_"You're entirely wasted," Ally hissed, grabbing him under the armpits and dragging him up as best she could. "And why are you dirty?"_

_Austin offered no help to Ally, becoming a dead weight against his friend's shoulder._

_"Took a nap in the park after the bar. Was just too tired."_

_Ally groaned, dragging him into the bathroom and placing him on the edge of the bathtub like he was a child. She pulled out a towel and dampened one end, holding Austin's head still with her hand. Scrubbing gently, she found scratches under the patches of dirt, startling her._

_"I might have fallen a bit," Austin admitted, taking in her expression. "Just once or twice."_

_Ally grabbed him by the shoulders roughly, shaking him, trying to reach any sober part of his mind._

_"Austin! You idiot!"_

_And Austin fully intended to answer, but he succumbed to sheer exhaustion and promptly fell asleep, falling against Ally's shoulder._

_When he woke up, he was in his bed, changed into pajamas. A glass of water and two pain relievers sat on his nightstand, a very welcoming sight to his throbbing head. He had just swallowed them when Ally stalked in, her face dark with anger, but her voice was almost friendly as she asked, "Did you have a good sleep?"_

_"Kind of," Austin replied, his voice cracking a little. He took another greedy gulp of water._

_"What were you thinking? I was worried sick. I didn't know where you had gone. I sat on the couch waiting for you to return my calls and you never did. You could have been kidnapped-"_

_"No one wants me," Austin interrupted, trying to lighten the mood, but the words had the opposite effect as Ally's eyes flashed with pain, and they knew then that the kiss would have to be addressed._

_"I'm sorry but I've got a boyfriend, and I care about him a lot. And…I think you're just mixed up with your feelings, Austin."_

_Austin flinched involuntarily, but Ally plowed on with her monologue._

_"You've always been a tad fond of drinking and I know you get a bit overwhelmed and all, but please don't get yourself in a situation where you could get hurt."_

_Austin pulled himself into a sitting position, so that he could look into Ally's eyes and hopefully impact her further._

_"Would you hurt me?"_

_Ally retreated back a few steps, looking rather cornered._

_"Austin...Austin, I'm certain I would."_

_With that, she retreated, shutting the door quietly behind her._

* * *

Derek left on the day of Austin's one month mark at the facility. He had confessed that he had been there for six months, and was ready to get home to his girlfriend. His drinking problem must have been rather severe, and Austin felt guilty for not trying to make a connection with his roommate.

"What's she like?" he asked, hoping to fix that before it was too late. His mood could be determined by the red balloons, which now consumed his side of the room. Today, he was in a good mood.

"She's sweet, got big baby blues. Hair this really pretty blonde color. I love her a lot more than I thought I could. You gotta girl waiting for you?"

Austin laughed, turning the newest note over in his hands while he lay on his bed, waiting for the nurses to come and escort them to Derek's farewell party.

"I hope."

Derek smiled, tugging the zipper on his small pack.

"I'm sure she'll be waiting when you get back. It's a nice step coming here, and I'm sure she's going to appreciate the change you made in your life."

The party couldn't really live up to its name, because the facility wasn't exactly a cheery place, but Austin had a good time, his mind for once not filled with thoughts of where Ally's notes were heading.

"How are you getting along, dear?" Nicky asked, handing him a glass of fruit water.

"Very well, thanks."

They all laughed, and a few other residents drifted over, drawn to their mirth, and Austin felt particularly good, perhaps the best he had since before he kissed Ally and ruined everything between them. But maybe Ally was apologizing through the notes, or maybe even offering him something. Austin couldn't be sure, and that had been the reason for his drinking.

But that night, as he sat in his room, alone, he turned Ally's latest note over and over, trying place where his best friend was going, what she wanted him to know.

**March-I broke up with him. And you were there, like you always are. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most.**

_"Why are you so miserable?" Dez asked, prodding at Ally's side, trying to provoke a laugh. "You're the one who broke up with him."_

_"Why did you do it? I mean you guys seemed so hap-AUSTIN! Sit down!" Dez screamed._

_Austin growled, but obeyed Dez's order and flopped back down at the couch, looking longingly towards the kitchen where a beer waited for him._

_"No, let him go get his drink," Ally said, rather nastily. "He hasn't walked a straight line for almost a month, so why start now?"_

_"Ally!" Trish exclaimed, eyes wide. "That wasn't very nice. We're just trying to help."_

_Austin slid off his couch and joined Ally , throwing his arms around her shoulders comfortingly._

_"I am. I'm sorry, Als. I should be more sympathetic. Forgive me?"_

_Austin nudged her, and Ally finally smiled._

_"Thanks. I just-it doesn't feel right between me and him anymore, ya know? I don't know where the spark went. I've been trying to make it work, because I hate the thought of not being with him. But it kinda felt like I was leading him on."_

_The others nodded sagely, and Austin said, "You did the right thing."_

_Ally looked at him, almost wonderingly, her eyes flashing with a thousand emotions._

_"I know I did."_

_She leaned her head on Austin's shoulder, sighing._

_"Even if it hurts."_

* * *

As he neared the day he was about leave, Austin found himself thinking less of alcohol and more and more of his friends. He missed them all terribly, and whether or not Ally finally came to a point with the notes or not, Austin resolved to be there for her, to rekindle their friendship that had faltered since the first kiss.

The next card was dated for the day Austin had first arrived here, funny enough, and it came on a bleary Sunday, a week before he was supposed to leave.

**April-The day they took you away from us. From me.**

Austin had smiled at the last part, had pictured Ally's almost bashful smile, pictured her in the snow, almost challenging her to do something.

_Ally had woken him up that morning with a glass of water and something for his hangover. This had become routine, and as Ally became more and more involved with his escape from reality._

_The last day before Austin had to leave, Ally crept in and sat on the edge of his bed, wringing her hands nervously and waiting for him to take his pills before speaking._

_"Austin, listen. A doctor wants to come see you. Dez has been worried and he's talked to your mom and everyone else and agrees that you may need some therapy."_

_Austin's head snapped up, mouth dropped open._

_"We're worried about you!" Ally said defensively. "Have you realized how much you've been drinking? All the times we've tried to stop you?"_

_Austin looked away from her._

_"Austin, we need you to stop. And I know why you're doing it-"_

_"Oh, you do?" Austin said, "You don't know me as well as you think you do."_

_He tugged the covers, lying back down and closing his eyes, hoping Ally would take the hint and leave, but instead, his friend gave a laugh, tugging the covers back and crawling in bed next to him._

_"I know you well enough. And I didn't want this to happen."_

_The mood turned somber again._

_"If I had known-well…Austin, I don't like what you've turned to, and I think it's my fault. But it's all going to get better, I promise."_

_Trish knocked on the door, nudging it open a little and squinting in-Austin has kept his room dark lately._

_"The doctor's here."_

_And then, Austin recalled, Ally had kissed him, right in front of a startled Trish. Austin wasn't expecting anything, and as Ally swept in he thought it might be a peck on the cheek, as it always tended to be, but Ally grasped his face in both her hands, bringing him close and kissing him right on the lips._

_"It'll get better, Austin. I swear."_

_And Austin had fled to the bathroom, bottle in hand, and sat there, on the floor before scrambling to the tub, where he felt more protected._

_What had Ally meant by it? Rejecting him and then leaving him alone for months, and then kissing him like that out of the blue. He let the doctor in, and him sitting there, bottle in hand, probably didn't do much for him when he tried to convince the doctor that he needed no help._

* * *

The last week worth of notes went together, and Austin spent those days sick with anticipation, waiting for the phrase to be completed on what he knew would be Sunday. His last day.

**I shouldn't have led you on only to push you away, **said Monday's note.

Tuesday**:** **And I hope you've started to forgive me**

Wednesday:** Because I've thought about it every day now**

Thursday:** And I miss you so much**

Friday**: I've been thinking about what to say to you**

And the sickness in Austin's stomach grew and grew as he waited, all but shaking as he took the balloons from the receptionist.

On Saturday, the day before he left:

**And once you went away, I realized.**

Then Sunday rolled around.

Nicky hovered in the doorway, her eyes brimming with curiosity at his enormous grin, but she said nothing, only giving him a smothering hug before bustling out, saying in a tearful voice that he must keep in touch with her.

Austin sat down on his stripped bed, staring at the bed that had been Derek's, and tried to imagine another guy here, another guy struggling. He hoped that guy got a happy ending. The red balloons had all been deflated, save for the last one, and rolled into his bag.

The time he was to be picked up and taken home was almost upon him, but he took out the last card one more time.

He wanted to be happy again, to see Trish, and Dez.

To see Ally.

The letters were shaky on the paper, but Austin could almost see her writing them, face scrunched up with determination. And it meant everything.

"Mr. Moon, are you ready to go?" asked a nurse, smiling kindly at him, as though he were a caged animal finally being released that needed to be handled with great care.

"Yeah," Austin said, untying the final balloon from his bed; he would carry it with him like that, but perhaps tied around his wrist so that he wouldn't lose it again.

"I'm ready," he told the empty room, for the nurse had already disappeared down the hall.

He slid the note into the front pocket of his button-up shirt, almost feeling the words searing themselves through skin, directly to his heart.

One last confession in the forsaken place, one last confession before Austin would walk away a different person. But Ally must have known that Austin walked away very different because of that last note than he would have if Ally had not had the nerve to write it.

But maybe it didn't matter to Ally anymore, if she and Austin were together, because the friendship would still be there, the earth wouldn't shake from that declaration.

And the note was like a final promise before he walked out of his old life, opened a new door for them both.

Scrawled in a typical Ally fashion, dotted by a resolute period, but still filled with so much of EVERYTHING were the final words, the final stitch in the wound.

**I'm in love with my best friend.**

* * *

_**reviews are cool.**_


End file.
